No Blaise: Bus Drivers

It’s my last day of camp, so I’ve been reminiscing back over the last eight weeks….

There are a lot of things I love about camp. But one thing stands out in my mind as being pretty much horrible.

My bus counselor duties….

Being the head counselor on a bus basically means you have to keep track of a lot of annoying crap and make sure the kids don’t kill each other.

Something I had to continually handle along with those things was a hodge podge of different drivers.

That was not in the job description….

It would be a miracle if I could go a week without being greeted at eight in the morning by a new face.

One bus driver looked like this….

Our bus had one original driver, and about four substitutes — who rarely knew where they were going.

The first driver was nice enough. In the morning, he’d wait for me to go grab a pop at the 7-11, even when I was already five minutes late. And in the afternoon, he’d dropped me off wherever I asked.

Can’t beat that….

Then there were days he apparently just didn’t show up to work and there’d be someone new behind the wheel….

Then he got suspended….

Then he came back….

Then he crashed into a car and asked me to write out a witness statement even though I assured him I hadn’t been paying attention because there were twelve kids on the bus begging for my attention….

Then he was gone for good….

Another one looked like this….

The people who’d appear on the days he decided not to show up were fine. Nice guys. But each one needed turn-by-turn directions from me.

Which is pretty funny cause – I’m lousy at directions….

Keep in mind I’m on the bus from 8:20 to 9 a.m. and 3-4 p.m. I’m neither a morning or afternoon person – my best hours are around midnight, actually — and so having to juggle all that just pissed me off.

The man who took over when the first driver finally got the boot was the worst.

First of all, he’s loud. Really, really loud. And on top of that he has an accent I cannot place or fully understand.

Which annoyed me for reasons I still don’t understand….

Of course, he’s also the king of being lost. So my last week on the bus has consisted mostly of me giving him directions.

So annoying….

When I tell him to take a left at the light and we’re not there at that exact moment he’ll stop immediately as if he’s seen a ghost and yell, “Left here!?” even if there is nowhere to turn.

It’s a lot of stop and go — without the traffic.

And then this afternoon, his career as my bus driver achieved the ultimate in conclusions.

We get off the highway on our way to the first stop when the bus starts shaking. I mean –  SHAKING!

It’s also leaving a gigantic trail of smoke behind it. The driver sees this as no reason to stop immediately, but insists we find a side street to pull over.

The smoke cloud’s now made its way onto the bus, causing the kids to cover their mouths and scream that they’re going to die.

Finally, he pulls over and radio’s the bus company. A new bus shows up in no time.

We get all the kids onto the new bus with its new bus driver.

So, I end my last day at camp doing what I now do best — give directions.

By No Blaise

Editor’s Note: No Blaise‘s last piece for The Third City was Maccabi Games….

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