Ray Jay 3000: Party and Bullshit

Third City — I have failed you and I am sorry.

I told Benny Jay I’d be a regular blogger right after my high school graduation. But here I am, over a month after tassels have been turned, struggling to hammer out 400 words.

I’d like to say I’ve had a lot on my plate lately, but that’s a lie. See, the life of a high school grad consists of two things: Party and Bullshit—to quote the late Biggie Smalls.

Biggie knew….

Ask any eighteen year old what they’ve been up to this summer and, assuming they aren’t putting up the “adult conversation façade”(talking in a high voice, laughing at stuff that isn’t funny), they will all answer the same. Party and bullshit—or some variation on that theme.

To better illustrate my current life, I have compiled a chronological list of the top 10 most memorable things I have done in the month since graduation.  Here goes:

1.   Party: Open houses at Desi’s.  There’s nothing I enjoy more than an  evening in Bridgeport, home to the last of the city’s racist rednecks. At Desi’s I can always count on a fun-filled night that ends with me on the living room floor, red-eyed and sleep deprived.

Christmas decorations in July — only at Desi’s!

2.   Bullshit: Prison—I mean camp orientation. Forty unpaid hours with a bunch of awkward adults playing icebreaker games, while the bosses shriek at us through a bullhorn. Passerbys thought I was involved in a special needs adult day camp.

3.   Party:  The Garden. Great blogging distraction – free party and friendly hipsters! Also, there’s a half pipe in the living room.  Never have I wanted to embrace my inner skateboarder more.

4.   Bullshit:  Babysitting—not the actual child watching, but the procrastination that comes after the kids are asleep. I always bring my striped-composition notebook to write the next Great American Novel, or at least my first blog piece. But I wind up watching cable.

5.   Party: Some Payton kid’s open house. I ended up eating tacos at two in the morning at the always delicious but less than nutritious Burrito House.

6.   Bullshit:  Doing my laundry. Only I can turn something productive into a form of procrastination.

7.   Party: Passion Pit. Singing off key to Michael Angelakos’ heavenly falsetto is worth every precious blogging minute I waste.

Passion Pit — Yay, Whee!

PP Recovery….

8.  Bullshit: Family reunion. This was worse than the time my sister slammed my thumb in the car door — every relative I know sitting around a dinner table on Friday night.  Please pass the gun.

9. Party:  Jen’s house. Cut me some slack, Third City, I needed some sort of recovery after the family dinner. Should I have used blogging as a form of therapy? Yes. Did I? No.

10.  Bullshit: Five straight hours of dental work.  I kid you not. Starting at seven-twenty in the morning, I went to the orthodontist then the dentist then back to the orthodontist and then back to the dentist.  I would have liked to have spent this time writing a meaningful piece for Third City, but I couldn’t due to the fact that various dental tools were violating my mouth.

No more dentist!

Editor’s Note: Ray Jay 3000 makes her Third City debut — finally!

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