One can hold something in for only so long before it’s impossible not to finally let it go. A time comes when one must simply stand up and release what has been building up inside. That time is now.
I’m going to come out and publicly address something that we gents have discussed privately among ourselves during our many heartfelt confabs that take place in garages next to an open car hood or in front of a wide screen television displaying a sporting event and even while seated on bar stools while hoisting a few in a local watering hole.
Being of a benign nature, we have been too polite and gentile to broach the subject with our female counterparts but I feel that someone needs to speak up and ruffle a few feathers so I am going to mention that unmentionable something right here and that unmentionable something is aimed directly at you women. I, of course, am referring to your lack of reciprocal toilet etiquette.
There. I’ve said it.
For eons, women have complained about men not putting down the toilet seat after they have finished urinating. The female species is simply not satisfied with the fact that we, in our thoughtfulness, raise the seat before we begin taking care of business. Y’think they’d be a little grateful. But, noooo, they whine about the seat being left up.
Apparently, the ladies don’t look before they sit and they end up falling halfway into the toilet bowl. Then a whole procedure of prying them loose begins using an arsenal of items such as butter and crowbars.
Out of the kindness of our hearts, as well as hating to see all that butter go to waste, we make it a point to put the seat down when we finish our duty and, often, even flush. But, when the ladies are finished answering their call of nature, do they put the toilet lid down? Noooo, they do not. We have to walk into a bathroom and be greeted by the gaping maw of an open toilet.
It’s disgusting. It’s unnerving. It’s akin to the voracious plant in “Little Shop of Horrors” growling “Feed me, feeeed me.”
I shiver each time I enter a bathroom with an open-mouthed toilet grinning at me like that. We males have proven that it’s not a very difficult task to lower the seat. It takes no time at all. I’m quite certain that even the so-called weaker sex can summon up the strength to close the lid. Besides, it’s a proven hygienic fact that one should shut the lid when flushing so microscopic drops of waste matter do not splash onto the sink, floor and toothbrushes.
That’s the voice of science, girls.
So, dear damsels, could we please ask that when you’ve finished “powdering your nose” that, in the spirit of commodal camaraderie, you simply and gently put a lid on it?
In return, we men might even begin hanging the toilet paper roll correctly (whichever way that might be).
Editor’s Note: Jim’s last post for The Third City was Once…
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