Jim Siergey: I, Coronavirus…

March 19th, 2020

Hi, folks. Coronavirus here.
Don’t worry, the typed word won’t harm you. Can’t vouch for that mouse you’re touching, though.
Boy, since my arrival I have picked up a gallon-sized petri dish full of negative publicity. Have you noticed?
Ooh, the big bad wolf is coming. Shut your windows. Lock your doors. Wash your hands.
Now, I admit that I am a rough, tough son of a bitch so it would do you well to stay out of my way.
But everyone is concentrating so much on my bad side that they fail to realize I have a good side too. Y’know, the yang to my yin.
They don’t think of my positive aspects and, believe me, there are some.
For instance, when is the last time you had an unannounced drop-in visitor?
Door to door salesmen, nosy neighbors, Jehovah’s Witnesses—Poof! All gone.
You’re free to lounge around your house and, outside of the incessant hand washing, you have no reason to keep up with personal hygiene or even bother with changing your clothes.
It’s all good.
If you have kids, feel free to send them out to play, even in the street. There’s nobody outside going anywhere. Where is there to go? Because of me, everything is closed up.
It’s like the Brady Bunch episode in the Ghost Town come to life.
Speaking of life, one of the most positive aspects of my existence is the dearth of mass shootings.
Yes! Think about it.
The reduction of large public gatherings is frustrating the be-jesus out of mass murderer wannabes.
The poor shoot-em-all-up aspirants are also anxious to get their loads off before a Democrat becomes president and, heh heh, takes all their guns away.
That makes for some pretty itchy trigger fingers…hmm, I wonder if they’re thoroughly washing them?
Anyway, I don’t wanna brag but, there’s that and it’s a pretty big that, at that.
So would it kill ya (pardon the pun) to, like, maybe…thank me?
Y’know, even viruses need a little love.

 

Editor’s note: Jim’s last post for The Third City was Spell On You

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