Jim Siergey: A Bad Day–A Work of Satire

March 20th, 2021

I was awakened suddenly this morning with an intense Charley Horse in my right calf. My attempt to sit up and massage the painfully throbbing cramp was deterred by my being twisted up in my blankets. I kicked and thrashed like a wild man until I was able to get free. I sat on the edge of the bed and kneaded my calf to no avail so I decided to get up to walk it off forgetting that I’d been suffering from a bad back of late and getting out of bed in the morning was the most agonizing part of the day. I couldn’t straighten up and my legs were like stalks of unbendable metal so I was able to only hobble a few steps but then a wave of vertigo hit me and knocked me backwards onto my bed where I cracked my noggin on the headboard.

I could tell right then that it was going to be a bad day.

There was only one way to deal with a bad day—go out and shoot people. That appears to be the accepted remedy. And not just any people. When a white-skinned person is having a bad day he must shoot people of darker skin tones and different facial features. Apparently, that works best.

But I didn’t have a gun. In fact I have never even held a gun much less fired one. How was I to countermeasure this bad day without a weapon? What a quandary.

siergeypotHey, everybody. It’s Jim, telling you–this is satire!

 

I didn’t even have a water pistol. I’m not sure how well that would fix a bad day plus it only holds so much ammo and when empty, people might chase me and with this sore leg and bad back I’d be overtaken easily. That wouldn’t be good.

Time was a’wastin’. If I didn’t move into action pretty soon this bad day was going to get even badder. A headache might join in making it even more of a bad day. Boy, do I hate headaches.

Perhaps if I explained my situation to a policeman he might let me borrow his gun. Maybe he’d even drive me to a church or open market or spa where I could find likely victims…er…remedies. I understand that there are some policemen who are very sympathetic to Caucasians having bad days.

But how could I tell? I wouldn’t want to pick the wrong one and get myself arrested and put into jail. That would make for a really bad day.

Boy, when you don’t have a gun and you’re having a bad day, you feel impotent.  There’s nothing you can do. You’re stuck. You’re forced to suck it up and deal with it, snap out of it and buck up.

Pulling a trigger is so much easier.

I guess  I’ll have to go against the grain and make that extra effort on my own and hope for the best. Sigh. Hey, the sun is shining and I can hear birds. That’s pretty nice. Boy, if I had a gun and was out shooting people I might’ve missed all that. Y’know, maybe, just maybe, if guns weren’t so easily accessible…naaahh, that could never happen.

I think I’ll just go watch some porn. Praise Jesus.

 

Editor’s note: Jim’s last post for The Third City was Four Eyes Only. As he may have mentioned already, he wants everyone to know that this piece is satire. Once again–satire!

Leave a Reply:


Comments subject to approval--if we don't like it, we won't post it.

 
    • Archives