Rolando: That Ain’t How You Say It

May 6th, 2017

We’re sitting around work the other day, bored, chatting about nothing in particular, when we somehow stumble into a conversation about grammar.

Now everyone that I work with knows that I write. So they all expect me to be some expert on grammar. When the truth is, I’m no grammarian.

So every once and a while I like to play stupid.

“The plural of moose is moose,” one of my coworkers, Blue,  said.

“You sure?” I said jokingly. “It’s not mooses?”

“No, I’m sure. It’s moose.”

“I don’t know,” I said. “So you’d say, ‘There are ten moose in that forest?'”

“Yes.”

“Sounds wrong to me, but whatever.”

“Well I’m telling you, it’s moose.”

“How ’bout meese? If the plural of goose is geese, why isn’t the plural of moose, meese?”

“I don’t know, Rolando, it just isn’t. And you sound like a damn fool saying meese, anyway. Aren’t you a writer or something? Shouldn’t you know this stuff?”

“All I’m saying is that it sounds more consistent to say meese. Does that seem so far fetched being that we say geese?”

“You’re an idiot….”

“So I’m guessing you’re going to tell me the plural of fish is fish, not fishes?”

“Are you kidding me? What school did you go to? It is fish.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re wrong about that one. I’m almost positive it’s fishes.”

“Wow, you really are stupid.”

“Yeah, like, there’s a school of fishes.”

“I have no words for that, Rolando. I thought you were a serious writer.”

“I am.”

“Not writing like that, you sound like an idiot,” she said as she walked away in disbelief.

Truth is, I do think meese sounds a lot better. But again, I’m no grammarian.

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