Rolando: Old Lady Talk

May 20th, 2017

Ask anyone, I love a person who can really curse.

There’s something about a person that can string a set of carefully chosen curse words together that really cracks me up.

I work in an ER that serves an elderly population, so I get my kicks from the large amount of old male veterans from WWII that come to our ER. They can curse with the best of them. It’s truly a delight.

But they aren’t the ones that make me laugh the hardest. No, it’s their female counterparts that really get me cracking up.

Why?

Well, it’s because it’s funny as hell to hear these women, many of them in their 80’s or 90’s, sound off like  fouled-mouth soldiers.

And, man, do they sound off….

Ms. Feinberg gave me an earful the other day when she realized that she wouldn’t be getting the MRI her doctor sent her to the ER for: “Well why did that sizzle dick, som-of-a-bitch tell me that before I got here?”

“I don’t know, mam,” I said, holding back my laughter.

“Don’t give me that mam shit, you and that damned sissy can kiss my ass, fuckers.”

“Well, we don’t normally do MRIs in the ER, it’s not an emergency procedure,” I said.”

“Well, fuck you very much,” she said.

I damned near fell over with laughter.

Thank you, old lady, for the laughs….

Ms. Jenkins came at me from a whole other angle.

“You married, son?” she asked.

“No, mam,” I replied.

” Good, you’re young, get you as much poo-tang as you can.”

“What?”

“You heard me, boy,” she said, “Get you as much ass as you can while you’re single.”

“Ok.”

“Then lock it down after you’re married, cause that’s the only ass you’re going to get for the rest of your life.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so I just kind of agreed with her.

“Yes, mam, I will.”

“God damn right you will, you brown bastard.”

It’s weird, maybe because they come from a time where “ladies” weren’t allowed to speak like that publicly,  but they got their curse on somehow, and now, in their old age, they just let it fly with no regard.

And I love it….

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