Rolando: Early Noon Riser

August 12th, 2017

I got a call from my cousin, Theo, the other day. He wanted to get together and hangout.

“Let’s go chill tomorrow,” he said.

“Alright,” I said. “What time?”

“Meet me at my crib at noon. I don’t like to get up too early.”

So the next day I headed over to his place. But when I got there, his wife told me he was still sleeping.

“Well wake that punk up,” I said as I plopped myself down on his sofa.

As I waited, I turned on the TV and began flipping through the channels.

Then I heard my cousin’s wife let out a scream.

“Theo, don’t go out there like that!”

I didn’t flinch. I figured he was coming out of his room in his underwear or something. Theo likes to walk around his house in his draws no matter who’s visiting. I was used to it.

I kept flipping through the channels, trying to find something to watch.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a tall, dark figure emerging from the bedroom. It was Theo, I could tell.

I kept flipping through the channels, not even looking in his direction.

“What’s up, bro?” he asked as he continued to approach.

“Chilling, bro. What’s up with you?”

“Shit, bro. Just woke up.”

I kept flipping through the channels.

“That’s cool,” I said.

He stopped about a foot away and I looked up at him. He had a huge grin on his face.

“What?” I asked. “What the hell you smiling about?”

His smile got bigger and he began to laugh. He put both his hands on his hips and gestured downward with his eyes.

As I looked down, I nearly dropped the remote. Of course, he was in his underwear, but he also had a raging boner.

“Bro! Why the hell do you have a freaking boner? You damn animal.”

“What, bro? It’s morning wood. You don’t get morning wood?”

“I don’t want to see that shit. It’s 12:30, it’s not even morning anymore.”

“What? We’re family. It’s ok.”

“Being family doesn’t make this ok, Theo.”

“Come on, bro. Don’t be like that. It’s natural. Every man gets it.”

He began to laugh again as he started thrusting  his pelvis like a Chip N Dale dancer.

“Ahh, come on, man.”

As he pumped he kept repeating: “Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.”

“Get the hell out of here with that shit, man. Go somewhere and take care of that situation.”

Suddenly his smile disappeared and he stopped pumping. He turned around and casually walked away.

“Fine,” he said as he walked toward the bathroom. “I’ll be back.”

A few minutes later he emerged from the bathroom, boner under control.

“You see. All I needed to do was take a pee and it’s gone.”

“You’re sick.”

“You’re so dramatic. It was morning wood,” he said as he plopped down directly next to me on the sofa. “A man can’t walk around his own damn house with morning wood? I gotta lay in bed till that shit goes away so poor little Rolando won’t get offended?”

“I’m just saying, Theo. No one wants to see that shit.”

“Well that life, bro. Sometimes you get morning wood and you can’t stay in bed, afraid of life, till it goes away. No, you have to get up and face the day.”

“Whatever, bro.”

“Now, what are we going to do?”

Leave a Reply:

Comments subject to approval--if we don't like it, we won't post it.

  • Guest Blogger:

    • Triple A Bail Bond Company–President’s Day Special! Did you get drunk, do something stupid and get your dumbass thrown in jail, protesting the current president? If so, give us a call, and we’ll have you back out on the street giving Comrade Trump the finger in no time at all.


      Sensitive to the needs of miscreants since the first Bush Administration. 

    • The Third City urges everyone to see Last Flag Flying, a great anti-war movie that also happens to be really funny.


      Bryan Cranston, Laurence Fishburne and Steve Carell all deserve Oscars.

    • The Third City was wondering when the good people of the USA decided they could tolerate the slaughter of their children.

    • jesuschristsuperstar
      Hungarian leader calls Christianity `Europe’s last hope,’ Jesus says, `Don’t drag me into this!’

    • The NRA, because…


      In the aftermath of another mass shooting at an American school, the gun group continues to oppose any sensible gun regulations. Nothing more need be said. Nice going, Dumbasses!

    • Archives