No Blaise: Resume Reviews

Guess what, ThirdCitizens!? I got a new job! Yes, that’s right, No Blaise has officially left her post as intern, and moved to a new workplace.

Thank you, thank you very much.

Monday was my first day, and my initial duties include posting some job announcements and weeding through the many resumes that get sent our way. In the sea that I sift through, I come across a few who are actually qualified, and a lot who try very hard to seem qualified.

A good part of the jobs I’m searching people out for includes their ability to manage other people. Though I appreciate people’s drive and imagination when applying, I don’t know if coach of a sophomore soccer team, or an entry-level retail position qualifies you to run an entire office of people.

Then I’m like, but does it? Sophomores in high school may be the hardest people to work with. And, retail, I mean we all know how many people retail workers have to deal with on a daily basis. Most of their job is getting people to buy the clothes they tell them to…

These people will be perfect for the job!

So I send the resumes to my boss, and she’s like why the fuck did you show me these? And that’s when I realize that these applicants aren’t the only ones who have let their imaginations run wild.

Whoops…

So, what I’ve learned in my first days is that experience in a certain profession means you’ve actually WORKED in that profession previously, not some in some field that could possibly maybe be related to the work you want to do. And, anything that anyone makes for lunch with the mildest of aromas permeates the entire office. I won’t be bringing in one of my Indian microwave dinners anytime soon…

Just kidding, I’m sure I’ll bring one in by the end of this week and then walk shamefully around the office from lunchtime on.

I have gotten one hilarious resume moment so far, though. I went to open up someone’s resume they’d attached to an email and instead I found a note that read:

“I love you so much.

I am sorry that you are sick but I will do anything you want me to.”

Hmm..I have been feeling a little under the weather..

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