Big Mike: I Don’t Know What’s Making Me Sicker

The 2009-10 seasonal flu which hit me like a Mack truck a week ago today seemed to be easing off the last time I posted here. Sadly, in the intervening 48 hours, it has returned with a vengeance. It’s as if the driver of the truck, noticing he had run me over, decided it would be best to back up and run me over again, a wrongful death court judgment being more financially prudent than a that of catastrophic injury.

The 2009-10 Seasonal Flu Virus (No Microscope Needed)

Because my entire body has been transformed into a jiggly mass of lemon jello, I can’t find the wherewithal to write a cogent post. That’s my excuse today. As for all the previous days I’ve posted, I’ll think of other excuses if you need them.

Anyway, I’ve decided to perform a public service in my hour of agony. I’m going to provide some political tips for the likes of you who feel that one Barack Hussein Obama is the second coming of (take your pick) Adolph Hitler, Josef Stalin or a combination of Dr. Jack Kevorkian and Divine.

The governor of my very own state of Indiana announced he’s not going to run for a third term. The mainstrem media tells us this is bad because Evan Bayh is one of the rational, centrist voices of the Democratic party. He isn’t. he joined Republicans in opposing the public option in the health care debate not because of any lofty philosophical principles nor fear that big bad government was growing out of control. He opposed it because the woman who he (presumably) shares his bed and worldview, Susan Bayh, owns as much as a million bucks worth of WellPoint, Inc. stock and sits on the health insurance giant’s board of directors.

I’ll agree with those who call Evan Bayh rational and centrist as long as they agree that means he’s WellPoint’s statehouse gofer.

The Conservative Political Action Committee (CPAC) will hold its annual circle jerk this weekend in Washington. Its lineup of speakers reads like a who’s who of Republican heartthrobs: Newt Gingrich, Liz Cheney, Mitt Romney, Ron Paul, the ghoulish Ann Coulter, Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, Bushey-boy’s UN ambassador John Bolton, Senator Jim DeMint, Tim Pawlenty and Rick Santorum. If that isn’t enough to drive a non-theist to say a couple of novenas, then maybe this is — the event is being co-sponsored by none other than the John Birch Society.

You read right — the John fucking Birch Society. The people who accused Dwight D. Eisenhower of being a commie stooge. The people who  opposed Martin Luther King in the 60s because, they said, he had pals who were commies. The people who fought against the 1964 Civil Rights Act because, you guessed it, it was sorta communistic in granting the federal government powers to stop states from screwing over black people. It must be nice to live in a world wherein all evils can be attributable to a single cause. Nice, like a four-year-old’s world.

They’re ba-a-a-a-ck!

Anyway, the Birchers disappeared from the public view in the 1980s after the death of the organization’s founder and after it had said Ronald Reagan was a communist lackey. But now, apparently, they’re back.

So let me pass on a second don’t-fall-for-the-bullshit tip. The Republican party is losing its mind. It’s been taken over by fringe-sters who are driven mad — as in hatter — by commies and Negroes. The Dems may now be the party of the fettucini spine and the corporate portfolio, but the GOP is whacked!

It can mean one of two things. Either we as a holy nation are in for a terrifying ride over the next couple of decades or the Republicans are dead in the water. Neither option appeals to me. I don’t like the idea of a one-party state even if that party is my own.

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