Benny Jay: This Year’s Oscar Nominees

January 10th, 2013

With the Oscar nominations coming out today, we’re running Milo‘s interview with Benny Jay, the movie reviewer for The Third City.

Milo: Our readers want to hear your thoughts about this year’s Best Picture nominees, Benny. Let’s start with Armour — an exquisite film whose mysterious brilliance has an illuminating je ne sais quois.

Benny: I didn’t see it.

Milo: You didn’t see it?

Benny:  Duh, Milo — it’s in French.

Milo: But they had English subtitles.

Benny: Dang, man — you didn’t tell me that.

Milo: What?

Benny: For best actress, the Oscar should definitely go to Pam Grier.

Milo: Pam Grier?

Benny: She was sensational in Jackie Brown.

Milo: Benny — that film came out over 15 years ago.

Benny: I know. And it was an outrage she didn’t win it then. So they shouldn’t give the Oscar to any other actress until that wrong is righted.

Milo: You are an idiot!

Benny: For best supporting actor — Samuel Jackson, who plays Stephen, the house slave, in Django Unchained.

Milo: He wasn’t even nominated.

Benny: Are you fucking kidding me!

Milo: Didn’t you at least look at the list of nominees?

 

Give Pam Grier the Oscar!

 

Benny: By the way, have you ever heard my Samuel Jackson imitation?

Milo: Please don’t.

Benny: It’s pretty good.

Milo: Not now.

Benny: “You gonna let that mutha fucka sleep in the big house.”

Milo: What?

Benny: That’s from Django.

Milo: I don’t even think he actually said that.

Benny: How about this one? “I ain’t eat nothin’ that ain’t got sense enough to disregard its own feces.”

Milo: That’s not even from Django Unchained. That’s from Pulp Fiction.

Benny: Another great flick!

Milo: Oh, god.

Benny: As long as I’m doing imitations, how `bout this one? “I am the motherfucking shore patrol, motherfucker! I am the motherfucking shore patrol! Give this man a beer!”

Milo: That’s not from Pulp Fiction or Django Unchained.

Benny: I know — it’s Jack Nicholson from The Last Detail.

Milo: The Last Detail?

Benny: I love that movie!

Milo: It was made almost 40 fucking years ago!

Benny: Robert Towne wrote the script.

The Last Detail gets better with the years….

 

Milo: You’re an idiot.

Benny: A lot of people don’t know this, but Towne’s real name is Robert Bertram Schwartz.

Milo: Okay, I’ve had enough.

Benny: “Thank you, Stephen. Oh, you’re welcome, Calvin.”

Milo: What?

Benny: Samuel Jackson — from Django.

Milo: That’s it.

Benny: Wait. One more. “Man, you must be out of your fuckin’ mind if you think I’m gonna get in this dirty-ass trunk.”

Milo: We really got to wrap this up.

Benny: That’s Chris Tucker from Jackie Brown. Pretty good, huh?

Milo: That’s all, folks.

Benny: Hey, I got to go too, man. Got to see Django.

Milo: But you already saw it twice.

Benny: I know. Just 98 more viewings to go before it catches Jackie Brown.

6 Responses to “Benny Jay: This Year’s Oscar Nominees”

  1. Chris Tucker says:

    Jabonee, Lee!

  2. Benny Jay says:

    My feelings precisely, Mr. Tucker.

  3. MrT says:

    You single-handedly are keeping Roger Ebert going.

  4. Benny Jay says:

    Mr T: Roger would be proud.

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