Benny Jay: The Green Bay Packers Suck!

On Thursday, the NFL season kicks off in the worst possible way — the Green Bay Packers win.

Shit!

Actually, I’d been hoping that the new collective bargaining agreement between management and players would have outlawed the Green Bay franchise and barred the entire state of Wisconsin from ever having another team.

No such luck….

Not sure why I dislike the Packers so much.

Could be their team colors — green and gold, so tacky….

Or their state. Spent four utterly miserable years there as a student at a college outside of Green Bay.

Survived the first two years only by self medicating myself — thank goodness for marijuana….

Or it could be the happy, clueless way with which Cheeseheads embrace their team.

Oh, my God, the Packers — yay, whee, whoooo!

Sort of reminds me of Cubs fans, now that I think about it…..

Typical cheeseheads….

But not Bears fans. Oh, my Gods, Bears fans are a different breed. Just spent the better part of the last few days — at least my in-the-car part of that time — listening to Bears fans going on and on about each and every flaw in their team’s armor.

The new receiver sucks. The offensive line sucks. The safeties suck. The new center they got to replace the old center sucks. They should have never let the old center go cause he doesn’t suck…..

And so forth….

But back to my disdain for all things Packers….

I know it’s probably envy.

I’m jealous of Green Bay — as hard as that is to imagine — cause they’re good and we’re bad.

Life’s not fair — waaaa!

Can’t wait to see the fabulous J.B.’s….

Doesn’t help that every single bar on the stretch of Lincoln from Irving Park to Wilson was tuned to the Packers-Saints opener.

I know this cause I walked that stretch on my way to the Old Town School of Folk Music so I could buy tickets to see the fabulous J.B.’s (or what’s left of them) play a tribute to the great James Brown.

Fred, Fred, Fred….

Sorry, always get carried away when I think of the J.B.s….

The Packers-Saints game came down to one last goal line stance with no time on the clock.

I was standing on the sidewalk, watching through the big window of a bar, as the rain came down.

Oh, the price I pay….

Saints ball inside the one. If they score, it’s overtime.

Drew Brees, the quarterback, took the snap, drove forward and….

Nooo….

From inside the bar, I heard a shriek of joy.  Some drunken doofus in a Aaron Rodgers jersey staggered out from the bar and onto the sidewalk, shrieking in jubilation.

I suppose there are worse things in sports than the sight of a Packer fan celebrating.

Just can’t think of one at the moment.

“Fuckin’ aye,” he brayed. “Fuckin’ Pack!”

In his defense, he’s unusually articulate for a Packer fan — most of them just grunt.

Well, anyway, Bears season starts tomorrow against Atlanta.

Hey, cheeseheads — we’ll see who’s cheering then!

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