Benny Jay: Playing Myself

I’m sitting in a chair in the recording studio, listening to the King Conundrum podcast — one of the hottest things on the Internet, when….

Joel says something like: Blockbuster’s going out of business.

Joel’s one of the four guests on the podcast, which is hosted by Jus, the computer-genius brains behind the King Conundrum empire.

I’m in the studio cause after the podcast, Jus is going to produce a Third City Sound Bite, speaking of Internet sensations.

Usually, I don’t have a lot to say during the podcast, but the idea of Blockbuster going out of business is too much for me to take.

So I initiate an exchange that goes something like this….

“Blockbuster’s what?” I ask.

“Going out of business,” says Joel.

“No….”

“Yes….”

Two things you should know….

One, I may be the last man in America using video stores — part of my effort to single handedly keep retail afloat.

Not doing so well on that front.

And, two, Joel’s the actor who plays me when King Conundrum records readings of my posts.

In fact, if we record this bit, the voice you’re hearing right now, reading what I just wrote, is Joel’s.

In other words, you’re hearing Joel pretending to be me, talking about himself.

Far out, man….

Joel Reitsma plays me….

 

Which raises this question….

If Joel’s playing me, who’s playing Joel?

My money’s on actor/rapper Alan Jamil, best known for his role as the evil Mr. Choi in Otis and the Third Rail.  Sample line: “You have cat?”

And it was Alan who played B in White Privilege. Sample line: “That’s some bullshit.”

A line I find myself saying virtually every day of the week.

And it’s Alan who played Norm in Cell Phone Play by Play, the epic we’ll be posting just as soon as Jus finishes editing it.

No rush, Jus.

Back to Blockbuster….

What if Joel’s right and Blockbuster’s closed and I’m the last to know? That’s been happening a lot lately.

And Alan plays Joel….

 

A few weeks ago, I drove to the Blockbuster on Western near Touhy only to learn they were having a going-out-of-business sale.

No one had told me about that.

So I drove to the Blockbuster on Milwaukee near California only to learn that it was also having a fire sale.

Didn’t know about that either.

I wound up at the outlet on 1303 W. Milwaukee where a clerk assured me they were absolutely, positively not going out of business.

Which is exactly what the clerks at the two fire-sale stores had assured me a week or two before they actually went out of business.

Come to think of it — that’s what the clerks at the Broadway/Berwyn store told me about a week before they went out of business.

Hmm, I see a trend….

Your cue, Alan: “That’s some bullshit….”

No, better yet: “You have cat?”

Not sure how that applies, just looking for an excuse to hear Alan deliver that line.

Anyway, after my conversation with Joel, I call Blockbuster.

“Are you open?” I ask.

“Yes,” a clerk says.

“Still haven’t closed?”

“Not the last time I looked.”

You know, I always appreciate a clerk with a sense of humor.  Remind me to invite him to the next King Conundrum podcast.

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