August 25th, 2021

It was the last day of a weeklong vacation, and I was feeling really groovy hanging around a lake in MAGA land.

Yes, way up north in Michigan. It seemed like there were big ol’ Trump flags—“take back America in 2024”—everywhere I looked.

But I was cool and calm. Taking a break from politics. Wasn’t talking Trump or Biden, even if asked.

You might say I was going undercover—a lefty hiding out in MAGAVILLE. Except it’s really hard going undercover in MAGAVILLE when you’re the only one wearing a mask at the grocery store. And all the conversation stops when you walk in. Like you’re the stranger walking through the swinging doors of a saloon, and the piano player stops playing, and the conversation ends, and all the other cowboys slowly look you over as they quietly reach for their guns.

Not that anyone pulled out a gun on me.

Anyway, we were sitting at a table on a patio, overlooking a lovely lake, with Billie, an old friend. And she saw Dunkin, an acquaintance. And she said: damn, I gotta at least say hello.

And I said: look out, he’s really conservative.

And she said: don’t worry, I won’t talk politics.

And I watched her walk over to Dunkin. And she smiled really sweet and said hello. And he said: I haven’t seen you in years, what are you up to?

And she said: I got a job as a tenants-rights lawyer. 

And he said: well, I hope you’re not going to be one of those lawyers who represents deadbeats who don’t pay their bills.

And just like that—bam—my groovy vibe ended. And I returned to the reality that you can’t escape, no matter how hard you try. As I came face-to-face with the inescapable realization that no matter how nice you try to be, no matter how inoffensive, no matter how hard you try not to talk politics or raise challenging topics . . .

MAGA will always feel free to be a jag.

And it hit me. Liberals are always bending over backwards to be nice, and MAGA doesn’t care.

MAGA will say whatever offensive remark pops into their brains. And if you complain, they’ll call you a snowflake. And scoff about political correctness. And accuse you of trying to cancel their culture. As they turn themselves into victims.

Like Alan Dershowitz crying like a baby because Larry David said something nasty to him about  Trump when they recently ran into each other at a country store in Martha’s Vineyard.

Which is so ironic, because MAGA is supposed to be against self victimization. And, hey, Dershowitz, if you don’t like being criticized for representing Trump, don’t represent him. You’ve either got the courage of your convictions or you don’t . . .

By the way, I didn’t actually hear the conversation between Billie and Dunkin. She relayed it to us when she returned to our table.

“What did you tell him when he said that thing about representing deadbeats?” I asked.

“I told him I hoped he woke up tomorrow as a disabled Black woman who’s unemployed, dead broke, and a few months behind on her rent,” she said.

“You did?”

“No. I didn’t. But I was thinking it.”

Like I said—liberals always try to be nice.

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