Benny Jay: Keep The Secret

August 2nd, 2018

Working at home on a snowy afternoon, when my phone line crashes.

Don’t know why.

It just doesn’t work. Internet. Phone. Nothing.

So I get out my cell phone and call AT&T. Wind up talking to a nice lady named Stephanie, who tells me I should unplug the phones.

“You want me to unplug the phones?” I ask.

Just to make sure.

“Yes — all the phones,” she says. “Keep them off for about five minutes and then plug them back in.”

So….

I crawl under the desk and look at the snake tangle of wires — red, blue and gray — hooking phone, computer, printer, etc. into the surge protector.

Hmmm….

Not sure which is which, I just start pulling plugs out of sockets.

raquel-welch-one-million-years-de

Stephanie, the phone operator, looked a little like Raquel Welch….

 

Then I go downstairs to have a delicious glass of chocolate milk. Ahhh.

Then I read the sports section. Then I call Cap on the phone to talk about Derrick Rose’s knee….

Next thing you know — 15 minutes have passed. So it’s back to the phones I go.

I plug this plug here and that plug there and….

Nothing.

I call Stephanie — my new best friend — and she says she’ll send over a repairman.

derrickrose5

I killed time talking about D. Rose’s knee….

 

Fast forward an hour or so….

My wife comes home.

“My phone died,” I tell her.

“Let me look,” she says.

“Oh, like you can fix it.”

She goes to my room and crawls under the table and then announces….

“You didn’t plug in the phones.”

“Yes, I did,” I say.

“No, you didn’t.”

I’m starting to get a little annoyed.

“Of course, I did.”

“No, you plugged the surge protector plug into itself….”

“What?”

“It’s not plugged into the wall socket — it’s plugged into itself.”

She points to the problem.

“Oh,” I say.

“It’s like electrical masturbation,” she says.

She likes that line so much, she says it again.

Then she unplugs the surge protector plug from the surge protector and plugs it into the wall. Voila! The computer and phone come back to life. And I call Stephanie to cancel the repairman.

“That’s really funny,” says my wife.

“You can’t tell anyone about this,” I tell her.

“How `bout Jenny — can I tell her?”

Jenny works with my wife.

“Especially not Jenny.”

“Oh, all right.”

“And whatever you do, don’t tell Milo. I’ll never hear the end of it.

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