Benny Jay: Jeremy Lin — a Clarification!

The morning after the Heat whooped the Knicks, Milo calls to talk some trash.

“Your man didn’t do so well last night,” he says.

“Who’s my man?” I ask.

“Jeremy Lin.”

“Why do you say he’s my man?”

“Because you’re always talking about him.”

Oh, my God, time out for clarification.

Or — we interrupt this regularly scheduled blog post to bring you this important Clarification….

Jeremy Lin is not my man.

Let me repeat that: Jeremy Lin is not — repeat, is not — my man!

Glad we got that settled.

The status of my man is reserved for people who actually are my men. Basketball speaking that includes Derrick Rose, Luol Deng, Brian Scalabrine, Joakim Noah and pretty much anyone else who plays for the Bulls.

My men are the guys in the red….

 

Jeremy Lin, in contrast, is my obsession.

There’s an important distinction. My man — or men — are people that I actually like. My obsessions are people, places or things that I obsessively talk about without necessarily liking or disliking.

It’s a long list that includes Ryan Gosling. Or, is he gay? I say no, my wife says yes.

Cell phones. As in, why have one if your never answer it (my children), always leave it at home (my wife), or own one that inexplicably breaks down at random moments (me).

Netflix: As in, I just signed up for Facets — so eat my shorts, Netflix!

And Apple — as in, what the fu! Stop worshipping your cell phones, people.

In terms of Jeremy Lin, my obsession has to do with this: How long will it take before people who couldn’t care less about sports are aware of the existence of a sports guy plastered on sports pages across the world?

In Lin’s case, at least a week. And only if they’re married to men who constantly ask them: Who is Jeremy Lin?

Like I said, Lin plays for the New York Knicks, a team I can’t stand. In fact, in the pantheon of teams I can’t stand, the Knicks are near the top — just below the Miami Heat and ahead of the Indiana Pacers.

Though I’m not supposed to say anything bad about the state of Indiana on account of the fact that it was there when my storm-tossed plane needed a there on which to land.

Once again: Thank you, Indianapolis.

My man….

 

I can’t stand the Knicks because, one, their fans are really annoying because they think they’re so smart. And, two, the Knicks were the beneficiaries of one of the most blatantly, bogus bailout calls in the history of the NBA.

I’m talking, of course, of the phantom foul that referee Hue Hollins called on Scottie Pippen in the waning seconds of a Bulls/Knicks playoff game played in 1994.

Yes, that’s right — 18 years later and I still haven’t recovered. And I’m sure that virtually every Bulls fan over the age of, oh, 24, would agree.

All together Bulls fans: Fuck the Knicks!

That pretty much concludes today’s clarification. Bottom line: Jeremy Lin’s not, nor will he ever be, my man.

Unless, of course, he joins the Bulls.

At which point, to quote the great Denzel Washington: “My man.”

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