Benny Jay: Inception

As part of my effort to be more up on the national conversation, I drag my wife to see Inception, the movie everyone’s talking about.

Unfortunately, I can’t contribute much to the conversation cause I didn’t know what the hell was going on.

For one thing, the movie’s filled with super smart characters who talk really fast and I’m always not sure of what they said.

In general it reminds me of the Sneak-Up Game, which is this game I used to play with my kids and nephews when they were much younger. We’d give ourselves secret code names – mine was Jordan – and creep around the housing sneaking up on unsuspecting grown ups and turning out the lights.

Then we’d run back to our base – which was the landing over looking the living room – and watch in delight as the other grown ups turned on the lights we had just turned off.

Is that fun, or what?

Another thing about Inception is I think I might have drifted off at some point in the middle of it. All I know is that I remember seeing Joseph Gordon-Levitt floating in the air doing some really weird stuff in the shaft of an elevator, and the next thing I know I’m watching Leonardo DiCaprio and Ellen Page wearing these funny looking white snow suits and they’re skiing down a mountain.

What the fu….

How did that happen?

I have no idea what happened in this movie….

In general, I’m confused by Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s character. He’s always really busy, but I never know what he’s doing.

At one point, I lean toward my wife and whisper: “What’s going on?”

“Shh,” she says.

A lot of help she is!

What I need is a personal tutor — like with The Matrix. I didn’t know what was going on in that movie either, but at least I had Michael Rodriguez to help me.

I didn’t know what was going on in this movie either….

Michael was this 12-year-old kid who played on the little league team I coached a few years ago. Heck of a kid, by the way — great parents – and a totally awesome power hitter. When Michael got a hold of the pitch, man – good-bye. That baby’s gone….

Michael had seen The Matrix dozens of times — at least. I nicknamed him Neo – after the Keanu Reaves character – cause I swear he knew every line in that movie.

He was always telling me things about The Matrix. Once we were sitting on the bench while the game was going on and I asked him: “All right – one more time: Who was the big black lady Neo was talking to?”

He was about to answer, when he had to leave the bench to bat. He hit a homer, circled the bases, got congratulated by coaches and teammates, returned to the bench and started in where he had left off.

“The big black lady is….”

I’ll bet you anything Neo would know what was going on in Inception.

Here’s the real embarrassing thing – my wife understood Inception better than I did. After we see a movie we always have this competition over who understands it more. Sometimes I win and I get to look all smart and everything.

But not this time. As we walk back to the subway, she’s telling me all sorts of stuff I didn’t know.

Like Michael Caine’s character is Leonardo’s character’s father-in-law.

“Are you sure?” I ask.

“Positive,” she says.

“How do you know that?”

“They said it….”

“Who said it?”

“Leonardo DiCaprio….”

“When?”

“I don’t know – probably when you were sleeping….”

“Damn!”

Then she tells me that the Japanese guy, played by Ken Watanabe, was the – oh, forget it. I don’t want to spoil the movie for you.

The thing is – until she told me. I had no idea who the Japanese guy was or what he was doing in the movie.

Oh, brother. Let’s be honest. If Inception were a test, I flunked it.

It reminds me of what happened when I took the ACT and the SAT five thousand years ago. I’d read the questions, then I’d look at the answers I had to choose from and I’d think – it could be this one. But then again, it could be that one. Oh, hell – which one is it!

Then I’d get bored and my mind would drift and I’d be thinking about something else, probably girls. I was always thinking about girls back then….

The good news is that in the total scheme of things, it didn’t really matter that I sucked at the ACT and the SAT. I hope it’s the same way with Inception….

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