Benny Jay: Guy Talk

August 25th, 2011

On vacation — Northern Michigan….

I’m with my wife in a grocery store, when she says: “Ask the cashier where the Tampons are?”

Apparently, she told someone back at the inn that she’d get her a box — that being just one of many ways women look out for each other.

I know, I know, you think I’m obsessed with Tampons. But I’m not – I swear.

Okay, so I did write one post about how Mayor Rahm told an aide to take the Kotex out.

Then I wrote a second post pointing out that Mayor Rahm had actually told the aide to take the Tampon out.

But that doesn’t mean I’m obsessed with this stuff — just doing my journalistic duty and striving for accuracy.

Anyway, I tell my wife: “I’m not going to ask that lady about the Tampons….”

“Wimp….”

“It’s like you asking the stock guy for rubbers….”

“I’d do it….”

“Go ahead — go ask that guy polishing the floor: `Excuse me, but where are the prophylactics?’”

“Okay….”

It has nothing to do with the story, but I love Barry White….

She doesn’t do it. Instead, we find the Tampon section on our own and she gives me a brief primer on all the different products.

It’s fascinating — really. I’m learning stuff I never knew before.

Like — did you know Tampons come in different sizes?

Okay, guys, don’t act like you knew that.

Well, maybe Mayor Rahm knew it. But as we all know, when it comes to feminine hygiene products, he’s especially well informed.

(Editor’s note: Mayor Rahm claims he never made the Tampon comment. Whatever you say, Mr. Mayor….)

A few days later I find myself having a conversation with my cousin, Robert, who knows everything about everything, and Double D, who knows a lot about a lot of things. Just not everything about everything.

Interesting tangent – my cousin’s a little to the left of Franklin Delano Roosevelt and Double Ds a little to the right of Attila the Hun.

But you’d be surprised by how much they have in common.

For example, one time they spent the better part of an hour talking about this bicycle seat with an indentation specially cut to give a rider’s testicles breathing room.

For real….

They must have talked about their testicles for an hour. Which somehow or other got them talking about their ex-wives.

Trust me – you don’t want to get trapped with guys talking about their ex wives.

Would you go to this guy for sex advice?

Guess what – it turns out they also know a lot about Tampons.

Double D tells about the time his ex-girlfriend told him to buy a box.

Cause she’d be sleeping at his house while she was having her period.

Hmm, okay. Not sure how to respond to that story.

Robert tells about the time he and his ex wife were in a grocery-store check-out line intending to buy, among other things, a box of Tampons and a package of hamburger meat.

Only the hamburger meat package dripped blood on to the Tampon box.

So Robert held up the bloodied box and said: “Honey, I know times are hard, but you don’t have to buy it used.”

And you wonder why that marriage didn’t last.

All in all, we’re having a mighty great time. Too bad Mayor Rahm couldn’t have been there. With all that Tampon talk, he’d of fit right in.

You know, the more I think about it, the more I realize Mayor Rahm got into the wrong profession — dude should have been a gynecologist.

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