Benny Jay: Big Head

May 18th, 2017

As you know, the manager of the station I work at is a man we call Yoda, cause he has the patience and wisdom of a Star Wars sage.

He’s the guy who comes on the air to correct the mistakes that callers or I have made. For instance…

Yoda: The correct pronunciation of Maya Dukmasova is Dukmasova. Not Dukmasova.

Or…

Yoda: The pronunciation of the conservative legislation organization is Alec as in Baldwin. Not Alex as in Trebek.

For a while all was great and then became a little bit of a celebrity. People began to recognize him. The other day we were sitting in Ellie’s, eating a big stack of pancakes, when this dude came running up.

“Hey, man, ain’t you that Yoda feller?” he asked.

“Well, I ugh–I guess you might say…”

“Hold on–let me get my wife,” the dude said. “Hey, honey, take a picture of me and Yoda.”

Anyway, I think the attention’s gone to his head. The other day he calls me into his office. And, well, here’s what happened…

“From here on out I will be doing no on-air bits,” he declared. “Unless you run in through my agent.”

“Your agent?”

“Ari Emanuel.”

“The mayor’s brother?”

williamwordsworthThe great Mr. Wordsworth…

 

“Also, from here on out, I will be unavailable for on-air research requests. So, if you want to know the name of the wonder year’s actor who’s a look-a-like for JB Pritzker—look it up yourself.

“Okay, but…”

“His name is Dan Lauria by the way.”

“But…”

“Also—no more meetings in my dressing room.”

“Do you even have a dressing room?

“No stopping or popping by. My security team will stop everyone from standing at my door who has the intent to see or speak to me.”

“Security detail?”

“Also, if you want to meet with me you must schedule an appointment. I have been taken advantage of by my lenient policy in the past.”

“This is sound like Steve Harvey’s list.”

“In general, I’m looking for more free time. I need more time to work on my poetry.”

“Poetry?”

“I wandered lonely as a cloud.”

“I thought Wordsworth wrote that?”

“I’ll have my secretary put these instructions in memo form.”

“Or maybe it was Coleridge?”

“But under no circumstances are you to reveal the contents of that email.”

“I get `em all mixed up.”

“Now beat it–I got a station to run.”

Like I said, this Yoda thing has gone to his head.

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