Benny Jay: A Perfect Conversation

It’s the morning after Mark Buehrle’s perfect game: 27 batters up, 27 batters out — no hits, walks or errors….

I heard the last inning on the radio and got so excited, I’ve been wanting to talk about it ever since. The problem is I don’t really know anyone on the home front who likes baseball. I try talking about it with my mother. The conversation goes like this:

Me: How `bout Buehrle?

Mom: Who?

Me: Buehrle — the guy who threw the perfect game….

Mom: That’s the guy with the funny name?

Me: Yeah….

Mom: How does he pronounce it?

Me: Like Burr-lee….

Mom: That’s a funny name….

Me: Yeah, but what about the game?

Mom: Your father says it’s a German name — he says it should have an umlaut.

Me: Sigh….

Out of desperation, I turn to my wife. As she walks into the living room, I hold up the photo on the back page of the Sun-Times. It shows White Sox center fielder Dewayne Wise making a sensational, leaping catch to save Buehrle’s perfect game.

“Isn’t this picture just amazing?” I say.

“Nice,” she says.

“No, really — look at it….”

She takes the newspaper, studies the picture and then asks: “Is this the pitcher?”

I pause, not sure how to continue. Then I say: “The pitcher? Why would the pitcher be catching a ball in center field?”

“I thought it was a no-hitter?”

“It was….”

“Well, how can it be a no-hitter if the batter hit the ball?”

Another pause….

Hmm….

Okay, I must admit — it is a logical question. But, of course, the larger question is how could anyone who’s live with me for so long know so little about sports? Then again the same could be asked in reverse about, oh, fashion…..

I clear my throat. This is what they call a teaching moment. “Okay — I see where you’re coming from. But just because you throw a no- hitter doesn’t mean no one hits the ball….”

“Oh,” she says, trying hard to look interested.

I’m getting all excited cause we’re about to talk about sports — and as everyone knows, I love talking about sports. “It just means that no one got a base hit. Get it? You could hit a fly ball to the center fielder — like in the picture. But if the center fielder catches the ball, it’s not a hit. See?”

Pause.

“I think we should go to the 7:40 movie tonight,” she says.

Oh, well, I can see that about wraps up the baseball lesson for today.

“Okay,” I say, “good idea.”

Hey, it was a great baseball conversation while it lasted….