No Blaise: Job Stalking

July 20th, 2016

Nailed my phone interview this morning so I’m officially in the CPS Quality Pool. Which means HIRE ME CPS.

Being the impatient person that I am, I had already applied to 60 CPS jobs. I told this to the woman who interviewed my this morning and her response was, “I see that. You sure seems motivated to work in CPS.” Yes, motivated, I like that. Much better than “psychotic” or “obsessive”.

So here I am, motivated.

The fun thing about CPS is that job openings pop up basically every minute. Which means that my motivated self basically lives on the CPS careers website applying for anything with an Early Childhood pulse. When I found out a school I student taught at (and loved) was hiring, I basically did laps around the house screaming “THEY’RE HIRING”.

Literally every time I log into the CPS career system at least ten new jobs show up that I can apply for and I’ve gotten nerdily absorbed in it. My reaction to the new postings is comparable to someone winning the lottery. The nerdy unemployed teacher lottery that is my life.

Pretty much the only reason my friends get texts from me now a days is to inform them of how many jobs I applied to and what principal acted like they may hire me. They probably have an automated response on their phone whenever they get a message from me that replies, “Wow! Good Job! Cool!”


When I do eventually get hired as a teacher, they’re going to need to block my calls cause I’m probably just going to be calling them to 1) Help me put something together for my classroom or b) come drink with me. Actually, I’ll probably be calling for both reasons.

This job search has been helpful in getting me back into the swing of using my brain. Applying for jobs and being professional on the phone have seemed to help my brain get back to normal things it was forgetting how to do like read properly and know when to stop eating.

One brain function that is not being tampered with by the job search is my constant need for booze.

Pour me a drink and let me teach children!

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No Blaise: My Laundry List

July 13th, 2016

As I search for a job, I’m also trying to get my life together in other ways. This includes showering regularly, starting to cook food again, and doing my laundry.

I’ve become a showering psycho in this heat, so that’s going well. I made a big ass dinner last night and ate the leftovers for lunch. I’ve been eating eggs for breakfast instead of frozen breakfast sandwiches. The egg thing happened out of necessity after the grocery store ran out, and now it’s become a habit.

Good for me!

My laundry, though, has been interesting. I’ve spent a lot of time just washing the things I wear on a regular basis (tank tops, leggings, dresses, one bra) and then leaving the other miscellaneous items in the hamper until the pile gets too big, and then I drop it off at the laundromat to have them, quite literally, clean up my mess.

This method is ridiculous because 1) We have a washer/dryer at our house and 2) I don’t have a job and am home all day. Oh, and 3) I’m about to be 28 years old and need to get my shit together. I should also mention I’ve been binge watching Shameless, and you’d think seeing Fiona cleaning up after five children and doing all that laundry would convince me to go wash my clothes. Unfortunately, it doesn’t. All it does is make me want to stay on the couch staring at the CPS application watching Shameless.

Drinking coffee has been helpful in this journey. It motivated me to do a load of laundry yesterday. I got to wash my sheets, my leggings, and my dresses, so thank goodness those are clean. The real step will be when I decide to watch the t shirts and jeans I only wear sometimes that are just sitting in the hamper. I will admit that I’m also not washing my jeans because wearing them in the summer makes me feel like a stuffed sausage.

Ok, maybe the first step if getting my load of laundry folded and put away instead of using the dryer like a dresser.

Baby steps.


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No Blaise: Swimming in the Quality Pool

July 6th, 2016

Applying for jobs is a pain in the ass, this is news to no one. But, as I like to do, I am going to elaborate on why a common problem for people everywhere is bothering me the most.

I have been lackadaisically been trying to enter the CPS quality pool since I graduated, so that I might someday this year have a job teaching children of some age something. I started the application to get into the quality pool a month or so ago and before completing it, managed to lock myself out of the application. Then I went through a number of steps to try and remedy it, but of course that only made it worse.

Once I realized I’d run out of pretty much all options that’d let me back into the application, I proceeded to contact all the generic CPS email addresses I could get my hands on. When I finally got a live one, they said they’d upload my documents for me, which is a job appliers dream come true. Less work for me, right?


I had a prettttty hard time getting any sort of confirmation on when they’d upload these documents or if that would help me get back into the quality pool in any way. All I do know is that someone at CPS headquarters who’s assigned to answer emails has my resume and letters of recommendation, and you know what, I hope they’re impressed!

So, after my sort of communication with whoever it was I talked to, I decided to turn to the interweb to try and solve my problems, as I often do. I googled “CPS HR” and it turned me to the CPS Human Resources website. My first reaction was, “Oh shit, that’s what HR stands for?” and my second was, “Hey look, a link to the Quality Pool application I got locked out of, this probably isn’t going to work. Well, why don’t I try it anyway?”

Wouldn’t you know, that fucker did work. There I am with the quality pool application in front of me. Even better, when I log into my account, it doesn’t redirect me out of it and I’m magically still able to add all my info, upload a current resume, my letters of rec, the whole shebang!

Yeezus, is that you?

The app was smooth sailing until I reached the beloved section that had me answer questions like, “What are you good at?” “What are you bad at?” “Why do you want to work for us?”

“Being obsessed with children’s learning processes. Also, crafts.”


“Because public education is not a privilege, it’s a right.”


For real this time, hire me.

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No Blaise: Reality Check

June 29th, 2016

Just got back from six day stint in California. It was a vacation and it was wonderful. Spent six days in a sunny haze of eating so many different kinds of food, drinking all kinds of drinks, playing with Hannah’s dogs, and frolicking on a gorgeous Santa Barbara beach.

I sat at the bus stop yesterday waiting for the shuttle to take me to LAX on the verge of tears. Were the last six days a dream? They certainly were. Why do I have to wake up from the dream that is being in California with my best friend!? Adulthood, that’s why.

On the plane home I couldn’t sleep 1) because I am too large of a person for any airplane seat ever, and 2) because I was sitting next to a child whose parent saw nothing wrong with her playing a game on a cell phone at full volume without headphones in as she loudly talked about how much she wanted bbq and violently kicked the seat in front of her.

Instead of sleeping, my brain decided to think about all the things I hadn’t yet gotten done in the reality I was returning to.

These haunting things include:

Finishing my resume which I’ve basically spent the last three months revising and somehow am still not finished with.

Finishing uploading everything to the CPS Quality Pool that will eventually lead to me getting hired. To my credit, I’m waiting on someone to return a letter of rec that I need to upload in order to keep it movin.

I’m going out of town again this weekend and am in no way prepared. Though I did buy a new bathing suit top, so, half way there.

My room is just a big ol’ mess.

The desk in the basement has become a literal pile of my crap rather than anywhere that any work can be done. That’s nothing new though, I’m still convinced that my best work is done in my bed where I can fall asleep whenever I want. Two birds, one bed.

I of course remedied my anxiety about all the above stuff by staying in bed til I had to babysit at 3:15. Now, here I am writing a blog as I babysit like the multi-tasker that I am.

Even better, I’ve kept the kids occupied by allowing them to literally draw all over me with markers. One of them may have even glued something to my body.

This is my reality now.

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No Blaise: Mixed Messages

June 22nd, 2016

As you all know, I’ve experimented with plenty of dating apps. And with those dating apps comes lots and lots of weird back and forth. Some of this back and forth happened on actual dates, but post of it happened via the awkwardest forum of all: messaging.

I’ve moved on from the awkward messaging on dating site and right into the awkward messaging of job searching. Since graduating I’ve been using this site called which some of my fellow child care homies and/or parents might know a thing or two about already. For those of you that don’t, it’s basically a big ol’ search engine for people looking to be a nanny/babysitter and for people looking to hire a nanny/babysitter.

But now they’re turned it into an app, so it operates very similarly to those trusty dating apps I used to frequent. Instead of dudes, though, I’m perusing jobs, and instead of sending messages like, “Hey, whatsup, I like food, here’s all the food I like:”, I’m sending messages like, “Hey, whatsup, I like child care and here’s all the child care I’ve done:”

Tomato, potato.

My success rate has been relatively eh on, similar to how it was on the dating apps. You message a few people and you’re vibing and then they wanna hire me for the next three years, and I’m not interested in anything past the summer since I’m hopefully gonna be a teacher.

This is pretty much exactly how dating apps went for me, too.

So, here I am, still searching for the perfect job with just the right amount of hours that pays me $1,000,000 a day, and employs me right up to the day I start teaching. Standards, people.

As I like to do, I’ve found a few of my the families I have babysat for/nannied for in the past and gotten them to give me some fun hours with the coolest kids ever. Sure, they don’t pay me a $1,000,000 a day, but it kinda is the perfect job. Some days I sleep til 10:30, other days I wake up and make bracelets with a three and a six year old. Some nights I drink and watch too much tv, other nights I drink and watch a soccer game while holding a cute ass baby.

Again: tomato, potato.


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No Blaise: ConGRADulations!

June 15th, 2016

Hi guys, I graduated.

This week I am embodying the spirit of, “I graduated, now what?”

Obviously looking for a job has been on my radar and I’ve been applying to some child careish stuff that would employ me for the summer, as I’m hoping to be a real life teacher come Fall.

I get my licensure results tomorrow, so put positive vibes out there for your gurl.

Aside from my applying for child care things and timidly searching for CPS jobs, I’ve been perfecting my resume. As I’m sure you’ll all agree with me that working on a resume is the fucking worst, you can imagine what a brave soul I’ve been to work on it mere days after surviving graduation. Luckily I’ve employed the help of a friend at DePaul’s  Career Center for help on creating a resume that isn’t terrible, something I would never be able to do on my own.

My interactions with the Career Center go something like this:

-I email them an outdated resume

-They respond, “This is outdated as hell, can you please send us something we can work with”

-I email them an updated resume that’s essentially gibberish

-They respond, “This is basically gibberish, here’s what we think you should change”

-I revise it and email it back to them.

-They respond, “Ok, this is way better, but you need to fix the formatting.”

-I try to fix the formatting and since formatting is impossible I have no idea what to do. So, I email them telling them this and asking for any suggestions.

-They respond, “I wish I could help you but I don’t think anyone on earth really knows how Microsoft Word formatting works, I’m sorry bro.”

And that’s where I’m at now. Sitting here with a beautifully written resume with incorrect formatting. I’ve been contemplating whether or not I’m just going to leave the incorrect formatting and hope that the principals reviewing it will be like, “Oh wow what a beautifully written resume, I’m totally gonna hire her even though she was too fucking lazy to figure out how to align all her bullet points.”

Maybe I’ll just send them all a piece of paper that says, “I’M A GRADUATE, HIRE ME!”


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No Blaise: Here Comes the Countdown…

June 1st, 2016

Three days left in student teaching, 9 days til graduation, and -5 days til I have a mental breakdown.

All of this “ending” should probably be relatively exciting considering I’ve been working my ass off for the last two years to get to this point. But here I stand, completely freaking out about what comes next. Getting a degree in teaching probably seems like it’ll make next steps pretty straight forward. You graduate, you get your license, and you get  a teaching job.

Let’s factor in, though, that nothing in my life every happens in a traditional way. Let’s also factor in that teachers these days get the short end of every stick.

So, here I am waiting on the results of my licensure retake wondering what I’m going to do after I graduate. First things first, I’ll need to get a job this summer. I take that back, first things first, I need to stop avoiding my resume and update it ASAP. The whole updated resume will probably make getting a job this summer easier.

That being said, if you know anyone who needs a nanny from June til whenever I get hired for a real job, let them know about your girl.

Updating my resume and getting a summer job, but finding a real job via this updated resume and million dollar masters degree is what really matters. As most of you Chicagoans probably know, the Chicago Public School system is in dire straits. If you did know, tell anyone in the Chicago area that you want a job in CPS and they’ll let you know just how impossible it is. I have literally had every professor and advisor I talk to be like, “You gotta work in private school, yo.” and I’m like, “Nah, bro.”

I got my degree in teaching because I wanted to work in CPS, and I’m too god damn stubborn to give up now. Plus, public education needs to be more peoples number one priority.

Most importantly, though, Fuck Rahm.

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