No Blaise: Knitting

January 21st, 2015

Every so often my stress about my life and where it’s going will get so high that I’ll decide to pick up a new hobby. These have been knitting, juice cleanses, reading the Harry Potter series from start to finish, dating, making my own almond milk, growing my nails out, a new iphone game, and now it’s back to knitting.

My refreshed love for knitting comes at a time when I am both really stressed out and really looking for a way to procrastinate that doesn’t include being on instagram for five hours and then realizing when I’m a photo of Kylie Jenner’s page that’s 40 weeks old that I need to get off my phone and stop frying my brain. Instead of transferring my brain power to the school work I could be doing while the boys I nanny nap, I decide on one of the above hobbies. And sometimes this “hobby” means digging around the house for food I would like.

Now that knitting is my hobby I’m sure you all are hoping it sticks so that you can have an original No Blaise Scarf or pot holder. Maybe someday you’ll get a hat. According to the knitting blogs knitting just about anything is “much easier than it looks” which means that they know how to do it and so they took pictures of themselves doing it and hopefully you figure it out. After watching three youtube videos, I can finally say I know how to do a basic stitch. I am going to be satisfied with this learning for the next year.

Again, this learning power could have been utilized for grad school, but a girls gotta have interests.

The first item on my list of “to make” is a dog scarf for Belle. I chose this because I want to eventually make a real scarf for someone, mainly myself, and making a smaller version for my dog somehow works for me. I’m also a crazy dog lady, which may have influenced the decision.

I started my new hobby yesterday and it took me pretty much all day how to figure out the basics. By the time I got home from work, the boys had napped long enough that I’d been able to make slight progress on the dog scarf. Unfortunately, I messed something up that I couldn’t redo so I had to scrap my first dog scarf. Luckily, it came out at just the right size for a dog bonnet. And what dog doesn’t need a dog bonnet this time of year? Since I have the perfect dog model, I took a picture of her modeling the first item in my dog clothes line, “Classy Bitch”. Get your first look below:



Classy Bitch; SS15

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No Blaise: Break Breakdown

January 14th, 2015

Never in my life did I think I would complain about having too much time off, especially from school. But, here I am, proclaiming that I did not enjoy the month and a half break that DePaul gave me from school. I really, truly, didn’t.

Initially, I was happy to just go to and from work and then be able to come home without a care in the world and start drinking wine as soon as my feet were in the door. The hangover at work was manageable, and I could take naps because of the whole no school work thing.

I was livin the life.

Then two weeks before school started back up I realized that I was going to need to be a real person again and couldn’t sleep at every opportunity and would need to form real sentences. What was I going to do!? Let’s not forget that it was the holidays so my days off from work were spent consuming my champagne quota for the year, and then fighting off the horrible headache of a champagne hangover with a delicious bloody mary. Funny enough I didn’t drink any champagne on New Years, but still found it appropriate to consume two bloody marys on New Years Day. I’ll blame this on the brunch spot by my house that decided to put beef jerky and a mozzarella stick in their bloodys, making them completely irresistible.

But I digress…

I had some lucid moments during all this celebration and was able to order my school books. Another un-fun part of being a real person–dropping $250 on school books.

Since I am student teaching one day a week this quarter, my first class was a lovely 8am-11am seminar that was a nice refresher on everything I’d learned last quarter. Thank goodness for that refresher because apparently I rung my brain out into the toilet and flushed my $5,000 worth of knowledge down the drain.

Blame it on the…

I should also mention that I spent the weekend before school started in a state of panic.

Now, here I am, a survivor. I made it to all my classes, as well as my first day of student teaching, and I have stayed awake through all of it. Though I did the  math, and in order for me to get my 75 hours of field work time for student teaching, I’m going to have to teach for 11 hours every Monday for the rest of the quarter. Oh, and I have two other classes besides my student teaching course. One is completely online, which I thought would make my life easier but it turns out online classes give just as much homework and require just as much brain power.

But I don’t have to physically be in a classroom for it so hey, thumbs up! One less day of social interaction for me!

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No Blaise: No Resolutions

December 31st, 2014

My resolution is to stop making any. I can’t find a point to telling myself that I’m going to live a healthier life in the next year as I binge drink to ring it in. This past year I have tried a lot of new things.

A cleanse.

An intense workout regimen.

Making my own almond milk.

Cooking at my house.

Not dating assholes.

And so far, only two of those five remain a part of my life. Hint: I am not on and will never again do a cleanse.

Resolutions, now that I’m leaving them behind, seem to me to be a way for people to get really hopeful and then really mad at themselves. Does anyone know someone who set themselves up with a lofty resolution who didn’t end up eating McDonalds for every meal three weeks later?

Now, my point here is not to discourage people from wanting more out of their life. Trust me, if any one knows how many more vegetables they need to be eating and how much less alcohol they should be drinking, it’s me. I am the poster child for failed resolutions, or more accurately, failed daily goals.

What I’m hoping to do by resolving to not have resolutions, is to let myself figure it out one day at a time. If I gave myself the resolution to only have smoothies for breakfast, and then one day I have a delicious sausage breakfast sausage with enough sodium to murder a small animal, I’m going to be all “Fuck it, I can’t do smoothies, must eat sausage every morning until I am embalmed.” Instead, I plan on waking up and eating what I want to and not feeling bad about it. I have my little voice in my head that reminds me that normal people have one lunch not two, and the more I listen to just that voice rather than bringing in all these other juice cleanse voices, I might do alright.

Now let’s get drunk!

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No Blaise: Time Travel

December 24th, 2014

Christmas is tomorrow.

I repeat, Christmas is tomorrow.

I just want to make sure that it is clear to all people reading this, that tomorrow is fucking Christmas.

This begs the question, when did the rest of the year happen?

Now, I’m sure I’m reiterating a point I’ve made in previous blogs but the speed at which time moves is totally baffling to me. I spend winter wondering when it will be summer,  I spend June and most of July wondering when my birthday will come, I spend my birthday wondering how I am the age that I am, September is my farewell to summer month, October is actually kinda fun cause go Halloween, then the rest of the year is an avalanche of holidays. January refreshes the “where is summer” mentality, and so the cycle begins again.

As with most things at this point in my life, my time dilemma has me wondering what I can do to live a more carpe diem life that doesn’t slip from my finger tips at an alarming rate. Here’s where I blame my decision to go to grad school and the surmounting debt that goes along with it. You see, if it weren’t for all this total life change stuff, maybe I’d be able to focus on the day to day instead of the “shit school starts again in like a week, dammit books are expensive” mentality.

But then, isn’t going back to school and choosing a path for myself a good way to take control of the day and live life.

Am I doing this totally wrong or totally right?

Ok, fine, I’m happy that I’m back in school since it means I get to be a teacher in a year and a half. I have a wonderful life plan to travel the world on my summers off from teaching. This of course begs the question of whether or not a public school teachers salary would work for my future world traveler self.

I’m not all that good at this whole fantasy thing.

I suppose I can ask these questions all day every day, but we all know that as I rack my brain to try and put the correct pieces of the puzzle that is my brain into place, the time is gonna fly by and I’m going to be graduating from DePaul, then job searching, then finding some semblance of a teaching job, and then have three kids.

Sloooow dowwwwwwn.

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No Blaise: Holiday Party FOMO

December 17th, 2014

It’s that time of year when people start going to work holiday parties. It’s also the time of year for family, love, giving, blah blah blah.

Once upon a time I had a job that threw a holiday party. Free booze, free food, free drunken interactions with people you normally don’t speak to, free awkward next Monday.

When I was interning at the PR firm they threw a big dinner AND THEN we all went out on a holiday trolley. Uh, hi, happy holidays to me. Though that job wasn’t my favorite and I was dating the ex-who-shall-not-be-named so it’s probably best I’ve moved away from that phase of life. If only I’d gotten to keep the trolley in the divorce…

Now, as a nanny the opportunity for a office-wide holiday party is pretty much nonexistent, legally speaking. Though I did get free food and booze at the boys birthday party about a month ago so, hey, that’s something.

Besides making me feel like a second class citizen, all my friends going to their works holiday parties make me wonder if I’ll ever attend one of my own again. Will I ever again get my soft spoken coworker to tell me about her sex life? Will I ever again shot gun a beer with  my boss? Will I ever again sort of like that annoying guy who sits near me who I thought I would hate forever? Will I ever get the chance to never speak to them at work post-party?

Maybe someday I will have a significant other who will trust me enough around his colleagues and free alcohol to bring me to their party. I just can’t be sure my future as a public school teacher will include drunk mingling in holiday sweaters. The way I see it, we will all be too tired from working long hours, being poor, and hating Rahm to be able to plan, let alone throw, a holiday party.

Rahm Emmanuel, the Grinch who stole holiday parties.

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No Blaise: Reflections on the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

December 10th, 2014

Being a girl, I’m sure a majority of you expect me to be writing this post all about how terrible I feel after watching the Victoria’s Secret “fashion” show last night. But, on the contrary, I am not feeling any worse about myself than I would on a normal day. For whatever reason, I was very excited for the VSFS this year.

Why, you might ask, is a extremely cynical, not all that thrilled with her midsection, girl excited for the parade of real life barbies?

My answer is: I really don’t know.

For whatever reason I spent all of yesterday getting excited about watching it. Asking people, “Are you gonna watch the VSFS tonight!?” to which they were all, “I guess? Why are you so excited right now?” Thankfully I work with babies who enjoy seeing me act like an excited crazy person and don’t fully understand what I’m saying so they enjoyed my pre-fashion show excitement. I’m also thankful that I don’t have adult coworkers who I could embarrass myself in front of by talking about VSFS with them all day.

So I get off work at 6 and much to my dismay the show doesn’t start until 9pm. What do I do with my excitement until then? Watch food network, eat a large amount of soup, and ask my friends if they’re excited about VSFS. Two of these said friends are male, and neither of them even knew the fashion show was going to be on.

After hours of Chopped, I can finally turn the TV to the VSFS.

The opening is strange, the middle is strange, and the end is strange.

Why was I so excited for this again?

I suppose I was excited to see beautiful tall women be all “Girl power!” I definitely was not excited for the costumes and the music portion of the whole thing was most likely the worst thing that’s happened to my ears.

And while I’m still amped up about tall women walking down that runway and showing off what they’ve got (and I can’t imagine how hard they worked to get it. I can barely fast walk for 20 minutes.) The end of the VSFS left me feeling like I’d just experienced a rave that I’d heard about from a random new friend who told me it was going to be a small party for a few close friends.

The close friends in this case being Lily Aldridge, Karlie Kloss, Behati Prinsloo and Jourdan Dunn.

Uh, hello, Alessandra Ambrosio who invited you?

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No Blaise: The New Girl

December 3rd, 2014

Thanks to my roommate Katie, I have recently become heavily addicted to The New Girl. I was originally extremely hesitant to watch because of my underlying hatred of Zooey Deschanel’s personality, but I trusted Katie’s sense of humor so I proceeded with caution.

And boy am I glad I did. This show is fucking hilarious. And, more importantly, Zooey D is somehow not obnoxious.

It’s taken me only two days to get to Season 2, which is sort of an accomplishment. As I watch it, and LOL, I find myself relating to Zooey D in a way I thought was never ever possible. Besides our sizes being opposite, she a small baby doll, and me a tall lumber woman, me and her character Jess might be soul sisters.

She’s awkward. Check.

A teacher. Almost check.

Has guy friends who she enjoys forcing to talk about their feelings. Check Check Check.

When I first started realizing this little check list of mine, it got me thinking about why I REALLY liked the show. Did I actually enjoy the comedy? Did the plot actually interest me? Or am I just a raging narcissist who’s using this show to make me feel better about my relatively average life.

This got my wheels turning about who I thought I was within each of my other entertainment outlets.

Bob’s Burgers-I am a combo of all members of the Belcher family, but if I had to choose one I’d most likely be Tina.

Breaking Bad-I am Jesse. With maybe a dash of Skyler and Walter Jr.

Bulls Games-I am Mirotic’s body with the heart of D. Rose.

Food Network Shows-I am Alex Guarnaschelli before she started making those weird pecan commercials.

News: During the week I’m the beautiful woman news anchor who does the morning broadcasts on CLTV, on the weekend I’m Melissa Harris-Perry.

Sons of Anarchy: I’d like to think I’m Jemma but am probably a scared towns person.

Which came first, my interest in the show or my ability to identify with a character?

Are there shows I wasn’t able to get into purely based on my inability to manifest myself in the cast?

Did I stop watching House of Cards because I wanted to be Claire too badly?




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