No Blaise: #HireMe

August 17th, 2016

Just as I was about to achieve a real following with #HireMe, I get #Hired. What kind of luck is that?

Incredibly good luck, that’s what that is.

I went on two interviews on Monday, and got a call from the second school I interviewed at yesterday morning saying that they wanted your girl to teach First Grade. My response? Uh, OKAY. I think my actual response to the principal was more exasperated because she had to ask me, “Is that a yes?” to which I replied, “Yes.”

I spent the rest of yesterday texting a lot of people, “I got a job!” which I’m sure was a nice switch up from my usual, “I don’t have a job.”

In complete seriousness though, I am so fucking excited. As a first year teacher, it feels huge that in two weeks I am going to be in my own classroom with my own group of amazing students teaching them how to love themselves and education. I get to teach them things! And be with them all day! And try to make sure that they’re little lives are as happy and productive as possible! YESSSS!

Sure I’m overwhelmed that school is two weeks away and I still have to go through all the HR stuff and then get into my classroom. But what I’m really overwhelmed about? Decorating my class.

How will I arrange desks? Who should sit with you? How much color is too much color? Where should I put the job chart? Where do I put anything?

My Pinterest page for “Grade 1” is filled to the brim right now.

(Almost) Ready for you, little ones.

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No Blaise: Trippin

August 10th, 2016

I’m now back in the Midwest after a couple days in Colorado. I hiked, I went to a farmers market, I walked my dog around, I drank, and I ate so much food. I was a very good white person in CO.

It was a lovely time of sleeping in and doing all of the above activities. But all good things must come to an end, and here I am, back in reality.

Jimmy & I drove because we’re adventurous like that, so we didn’t get in til about 2am this morning despite leaving CO at 9am yesterday. Being unemployed and everything, you’d think this wouldn’t be a big deal. I can just sleep it off, right?

Unfortunately, no. First of all, I have some nasty stomach and back pain that pretty much rendered me useless the entire ride home and then an uncomfortable mess once I was in my own bed. After heavily medicating myself, I got some sleep, but had the pleasure of having to get up this morning in order to attend a CPS career fair.

The “Hire Me” journey continues.

So, this morning around 9 I shook myself awake, with the help of an alarm. After figuring out where I was, got in the shower, put on some make-up, a dress, and walked the dog as I had an unexpected phone interview with a principal.

Unexpected phone calls that turn into interviews have become a very regular part of my routine.

I head to the career fair with 20 resumes and a head full of fog. Upon arrival, I see about a bajillion school booths advertising the positions they’ve got available.


My brain clears up every so often so that I can talk to principals and hand out resumes. I don’t necessarily remember any of the words I used while talking to the various staff members, but I had people write their names down in my notebook and say that they’d call me for an interview, so some of the words must’ve been good.

I’ve got three interviews tomorrow, so I’ll be going to sleep in about two hours so that I’m rested up and back to complete sentences.

Fingers crossed.

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No Blaise: Job Hunting

August 3rd, 2016

I already know that the title of this blog is very similar to the title of my last post. But, I did that because 1) My brain is barely able to function outside of interview mode and 2) the content of this blog will be similar to the last post because my life is consumed by searching for jobs.

I mean consumed so so literally.

In my previous post I think I said that I’d applied to 60ish jobs with CPS. Well, now I’ve applied to 117. One hundred and seventeen. This is not an exaggeration, I’m on the CPS career web page everyday and check my submission count very often.

CPS career page is my new Instagram. It’s honestly taking will power for me to not open up to the website right now and search jobs instead of writing this post.

With all these applications has come some interviewing. Every school I’ve taught at has seemed wonderful because public education is wonderful. I essentially walk away from every meeting wanting to scream, “Please fucking hire me.” Of the six or seven interviews I’ve been on, I’ve only gotten one email afterwards letting me know that they’d hired someone else. The other school said they’d be in touch either way, and I’m still waiting to hear from most of them.

If that sounds a lot like my posts about my dating life, it’s because it’s essentially the same process.

It’s the big beautiful, frustrating, emotional, terrifying, exciting (?) cycle we call adulthood. Or, almost adulthood is probably more accurate.

Though the biggest 180 I’ve experienced in this job search, and something different from my dating experiences, is how many unknown numbers I’ve been answering. Instead of emailing, schools will call to schedule interviews, because they’re classy like that. So now when I see a number I don’t know with an Illinois area code, I answer after two rings, as to not seem desperate. I’ve actually answered calls whilst driving to other interviews and set up interviews for the following day with that school. Even better, I answered a call while walking into a different school to be interviewed.

I’ve never done speed or crack, but I imagine trying to become a teacher has similar highs & lows.

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No Blaise: Job Stalking

July 20th, 2016

Nailed my phone interview this morning so I’m officially in the CPS Quality Pool. Which means HIRE ME CPS.

Being the impatient person that I am, I had already applied to 60 CPS jobs. I told this to the woman who interviewed my this morning and her response was, “I see that. You sure seems motivated to work in CPS.” Yes, motivated, I like that. Much better than “psychotic” or “obsessive”.

So here I am, motivated.

The fun thing about CPS is that job openings pop up basically every minute. Which means that my motivated self basically lives on the CPS careers website applying for anything with an Early Childhood pulse. When I found out a school I student taught at (and loved) was hiring, I basically did laps around the house screaming “THEY’RE HIRING”.

Literally every time I log into the CPS career system at least ten new jobs show up that I can apply for and I’ve gotten nerdily absorbed in it. My reaction to the new postings is comparable to someone winning the lottery. The nerdy unemployed teacher lottery that is my life.

Pretty much the only reason my friends get texts from me now a days is to inform them of how many jobs I applied to and what principal acted like they may hire me. They probably have an automated response on their phone whenever they get a message from me that replies, “Wow! Good Job! Cool!”


When I do eventually get hired as a teacher, they’re going to need to block my calls cause I’m probably just going to be calling them to 1) Help me put something together for my classroom or b) come drink with me. Actually, I’ll probably be calling for both reasons.

This job search has been helpful in getting me back into the swing of using my brain. Applying for jobs and being professional on the phone have seemed to help my brain get back to normal things it was forgetting how to do like read properly and know when to stop eating.

One brain function that is not being tampered with by the job search is my constant need for booze.

Pour me a drink and let me teach children!

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No Blaise: My Laundry List

July 13th, 2016

As I search for a job, I’m also trying to get my life together in other ways. This includes showering regularly, starting to cook food again, and doing my laundry.

I’ve become a showering psycho in this heat, so that’s going well. I made a big ass dinner last night and ate the leftovers for lunch. I’ve been eating eggs for breakfast instead of frozen breakfast sandwiches. The egg thing happened out of necessity after the grocery store ran out, and now it’s become a habit.

Good for me!

My laundry, though, has been interesting. I’ve spent a lot of time just washing the things I wear on a regular basis (tank tops, leggings, dresses, one bra) and then leaving the other miscellaneous items in the hamper until the pile gets too big, and then I drop it off at the laundromat to have them, quite literally, clean up my mess.

This method is ridiculous because 1) We have a washer/dryer at our house and 2) I don’t have a job and am home all day. Oh, and 3) I’m about to be 28 years old and need to get my shit together. I should also mention I’ve been binge watching Shameless, and you’d think seeing Fiona cleaning up after five children and doing all that laundry would convince me to go wash my clothes. Unfortunately, it doesn’t. All it does is make me want to stay on the couch staring at the CPS application watching Shameless.

Drinking coffee has been helpful in this journey. It motivated me to do a load of laundry yesterday. I got to wash my sheets, my leggings, and my dresses, so thank goodness those are clean. The real step will be when I decide to watch the t shirts and jeans I only wear sometimes that are just sitting in the hamper. I will admit that I’m also not washing my jeans because wearing them in the summer makes me feel like a stuffed sausage.

Ok, maybe the first step if getting my load of laundry folded and put away instead of using the dryer like a dresser.

Baby steps.


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No Blaise: Swimming in the Quality Pool

July 6th, 2016

Applying for jobs is a pain in the ass, this is news to no one. But, as I like to do, I am going to elaborate on why a common problem for people everywhere is bothering me the most.

I have been lackadaisically been trying to enter the CPS quality pool since I graduated, so that I might someday this year have a job teaching children of some age something. I started the application to get into the quality pool a month or so ago and before completing it, managed to lock myself out of the application. Then I went through a number of steps to try and remedy it, but of course that only made it worse.

Once I realized I’d run out of pretty much all options that’d let me back into the application, I proceeded to contact all the generic CPS email addresses I could get my hands on. When I finally got a live one, they said they’d upload my documents for me, which is a job appliers dream come true. Less work for me, right?


I had a prettttty hard time getting any sort of confirmation on when they’d upload these documents or if that would help me get back into the quality pool in any way. All I do know is that someone at CPS headquarters who’s assigned to answer emails has my resume and letters of recommendation, and you know what, I hope they’re impressed!

So, after my sort of communication with whoever it was I talked to, I decided to turn to the interweb to try and solve my problems, as I often do. I googled “CPS HR” and it turned me to the CPS Human Resources website. My first reaction was, “Oh shit, that’s what HR stands for?” and my second was, “Hey look, a link to the Quality Pool application I got locked out of, this probably isn’t going to work. Well, why don’t I try it anyway?”

Wouldn’t you know, that fucker did work. There I am with the quality pool application in front of me. Even better, when I log into my account, it doesn’t redirect me out of it and I’m magically still able to add all my info, upload a current resume, my letters of rec, the whole shebang!

Yeezus, is that you?

The app was smooth sailing until I reached the beloved section that had me answer questions like, “What are you good at?” “What are you bad at?” “Why do you want to work for us?”

“Being obsessed with children’s learning processes. Also, crafts.”


“Because public education is not a privilege, it’s a right.”


For real this time, hire me.

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No Blaise: Reality Check

June 29th, 2016

Just got back from six day stint in California. It was a vacation and it was wonderful. Spent six days in a sunny haze of eating so many different kinds of food, drinking all kinds of drinks, playing with Hannah’s dogs, and frolicking on a gorgeous Santa Barbara beach.

I sat at the bus stop yesterday waiting for the shuttle to take me to LAX on the verge of tears. Were the last six days a dream? They certainly were. Why do I have to wake up from the dream that is being in California with my best friend!? Adulthood, that’s why.

On the plane home I couldn’t sleep 1) because I am too large of a person for any airplane seat ever, and 2) because I was sitting next to a child whose parent saw nothing wrong with her playing a game on a cell phone at full volume without headphones in as she loudly talked about how much she wanted bbq and violently kicked the seat in front of her.

Instead of sleeping, my brain decided to think about all the things I hadn’t yet gotten done in the reality I was returning to.

These haunting things include:

Finishing my resume which I’ve basically spent the last three months revising and somehow am still not finished with.

Finishing uploading everything to the CPS Quality Pool that will eventually lead to me getting hired. To my credit, I’m waiting on someone to return a letter of rec that I need to upload in order to keep it movin.

I’m going out of town again this weekend and am in no way prepared. Though I did buy a new bathing suit top, so, half way there.

My room is just a big ol’ mess.

The desk in the basement has become a literal pile of my crap rather than anywhere that any work can be done. That’s nothing new though, I’m still convinced that my best work is done in my bed where I can fall asleep whenever I want. Two birds, one bed.

I of course remedied my anxiety about all the above stuff by staying in bed til I had to babysit at 3:15. Now, here I am writing a blog as I babysit like the multi-tasker that I am.

Even better, I’ve kept the kids occupied by allowing them to literally draw all over me with markers. One of them may have even glued something to my body.

This is my reality now.

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