• Guest Blogger:

  • Jim Siergey

    

    “We don’t speak Chicago, only English…”

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• • The Third City’s Do-It-Yourself Tattoo Removal Kit: Do you regret getting drunk and having your ex-wife’s name tattooed all over your body? If so, for only $19.99, TTC will send you our deluxe Tattoo Removal Kit that comes equipped with sand paper, steel wool, an X-acto knife, 1 pint of battery acid and a battle of extra-strength Bayer Aspirin. 

    

    Order today and get our self-suturing kit — free!

• The Third City Picks:

• • The Third City would like to wish happy birthday to Johan Georg Forchhammer, the great 18th century Danish minerologist, who also happens to be a huge fan of this blog.

    

    Not many people realize this, but Johan also invented the pastry.

• The Third City Thought of the Day:

• • The Third City’s editorial board is bitterly divided over whether the Bulls should trade for Kevin Love. Benny says no. Milo says yes. And Rolando says, “Dudes, quit bogarting that joint!”

• The Third City Headline News:

• • 

    Sarah Palin caught speeding in Alaska, John McCain says, `Sarah’s the gift that keeps on giving!’

• Dumbass of the Week:

• • Congressman Paul Ryan, because…

    

    The Wisconsin Republican proposes to shift funding of anti-poverty programs from the feds, who have unlimited amounts of money, to the states, which are broke. That’s just a fancy way of cutting aid to the people who need it most. Nice going, Dumbass!

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