• Guest Blogger:

  • Jim Siergey

    

    “We don’t speak Chicago, only English…”

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• • The Third City’s Widows & Orphans Fund: Due to unexpected increases in the cost of alcohol, drugs, whores and tattoos, TTC’s Widows & Orphans Fund is dangerously low on cash. So, instead of contributing your hard-earned money to your college alumni, church, hospital, or the Red Cross, why not make a generous donation to TTC. It will make you feel real good!

    
    As always, we only accept cash!

• The Third City Picks:

• • The Third City’s editorial board has come to the conclusion that Hannah and her Sisters is Woody’s Allen’s second greatest flick — ever!

    

    As to which is the best, we’re still bitterly divided between Bananas and Take the Money and Run.

• The Third City Thought of the Day:

• • Hey, ladies! This is an emergency!! Send a recent nude photo of yourself to Milo at The Third City — immediately!!! He’ll explain everything at the proper time. Remember — send it to Milo!!!!

• The Third City Headline News:

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    GOP Senator Ted Cruz blames Democrats for `congressional dysfunction,’ Dems say, `You gotta be s**ttin’ me!’

• Dumbass of the Week:

• • Congressman Paul Ryan, because…

    

    The Wisconsin Republican proposes to shift funding of anti-poverty programs from the feds, who have unlimited amounts of money, to the states, which are broke. That’s just a fancy way of cutting aid to the people who need it most. Nice going, Dumbass!

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